Pressing Reset on Your Caregiving Role

Family caregiving situations come with a considerable amount of strain, specifically negative effects on family caregiver physical, mental, and social health.

This includes:
● an increased risk of depression
● decreased quality of life
● increased anxiety
● feelings of personal burden
● feelings of frustration
● feelings of helplessness
● feelings of anger
● negative effects on family caregiver finances, due to high out-of-pocket spending for families

You have control over how you approach family caregiving and there are ways to change some of the bad feelings above to more positive ones. Let me make clear right away, this is NOT your typical self-care messaging.

Family caregiving is a personal experience and it looks different for every person. But what is common for everyone is how demanding it is. You are pressed for time. You are juggling multiple competing priorities. You have more roles in your life than just caretaker to your loved one. So I won’t tell you to take long baths, fit in regular trips to the gym, or any activities that you simply don’t have the time to do. I also won’t tell you that you’re failing to practice good self-care if you aren’t doing those types of things. I WILL share some more strategic ways to realistically claim some time back for yourself and make caregiving a more positive experience.

VISIT BADASS ADVOCATE

You may feel that your own priorities are getting put on the back burner. Most family caregivers WANT to tackle something for themselves each day or each week and when it comes down to it, there just wasn’t enough time. Don’t give up! Accomplishing the things that are important to you might look different, require a different route, or take more effort to accomplish now that you are a family caregiver.

Why is goal setting a powerful activity?
You may be surprised to know that goal-setting has been an interesting topic of study to psychologists for a long time. In my personal background and study in education, goal-setting is something I studied.

There is actually a theory known as goal-setting theory which speaks to how the action of setting goals changes our actions. It is proven in research that individuals who set goals perform better than those that do not.

● Make your goals CLEAR - a very specific goal that you can measure is more likely to be accomplished than a vague one.

● Make your goals CHALLENGING - you want just enough difficulty to keep your brain motivated and interested, while still being able to achieve milestones within your goal.

● Be COMMITTED - you should put measures in place to stay accountable. This part pulls in motivational theory, which put simply, speaks to how we are motivated both within ourselves and by outside influences. Think of it like a scale, if our internal motivation is low, we need to amp up the external motivators to stay on track. Consider telling friends about your goal or posting on social media so you can be cheered on. Find an accountability partner to check in with regularly and talk about the challenges and successes you’re having.

● BREAK IT UP - to keep our internal motivation alive, we have to feed it. Break your goal up into milestones that you can hit at regular intervals. Each time you succeed your brain feels rewarded and stays motivated for the next milestone.

Erin’s Badass Tip: Make sure you create some goals purely focused on you and what you want to accomplish in life. Your life already focuses heavily on caring for someone else, so it is important to create a few goals that have nothing to do with your caregiving duties.

You likely don’t have even an hour to give yourself some days. That’s okay. Break free from the traditional self-care model and think more creatively. Here’s an example.

Most days my calendar is fully booked. I go from task to task, meeting to meeting, trying to fit in everything I need to do. Most days I end up exhausted and completely drained by 6pm. So, I started incorporating “Brain Breaks”. I went through my schedule and added in mini-breaks, 15 minutes to just switch off for a bit. I use these times to walk around the house, look outside, maybe go outside, or play some music. I don’t worry about emails or my to-do list, I just give myself this time to relax my brain and do something enjoyable.

Check your schedule for these hidden opportunities to create some mini-moments for yourself.

Here’s another mini-moment technique. Use essential oils. These are all-natural concentrated plant extracts that can benefit both you and your loved one. With very little time, energy and effort you can use essential oil aroma to spark joy. Inhaling the aromas from quality essential oils can stimulate areas of your limbic system, which is a part of your brain that plays a role in emotions, behaviors, sense of smell, and long-term memory.

How to Make an Inhaler—No skills required! Choose the oil according to the result you’re looking for. Cut a strip from an index card. To the end of the strip add drops of essential oil so that the end is saturated. Place in your pocket or on you desk/table and lift to your nose anytime you want a boost.

Here are just a few ideas:

Peppermint: to boost energy and aid digestion

Lavender: to relieve stress and support quality sleep

Vetiver: can have a calming, grounding effect on emotions

Wild Orange: to provide energy and lift mood.

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You are with your loved one often and while caregiving is a loving act, the day-to-day can be frustrating. We’ve covered a lot of the emotions that come with caregiving and because of the vigilance and time required to care for an elderly loved one, it’s easy to fall into an emotional rut.

We all know about journaling. Sometimes we romanticize it though. We imagine sitting with a steamy cup of tea, nuzzled in a corner full of pillows with our leather journal and fountain pen. That’s not super realistic. Use whatever you like, sit wherever you want, but do this one thing; be raw. The goal is to gain perspective and if you aren’t honest when you write, you won’t get the benefit.

In 2020, Erin published her first book, Badass Advocate: Becoming The Champion Your Seriously Ill Loved One Deserves. By sharing what she’s learned, she can help other family caregivers to be Badass Advocates.

In the book she shares an effective morning routine (named Five Rs) to help caregivers better balance self-care with patient care. In 2021, she published 4 journals to guide caregivers through the Five Rs. There are 4 journals: three 30-day journals (Cobalt Blue, Coral Pink, and Rose) and one 90-day journal. Each journal includes reflection questions, inspirational quotes, gratitude corners, mind maps, and more! These journals are a thoughtful gift for anyone dealing with a loved one's illness.